Bigg Boss in GIFs: Premiere Episode

Season 12 of Bigg Boss premiered last night and I wish I had the words to describe the cringe.

The theme this year is 'Beach house' so the studio set had a huge yacht on it for some reason and the Bigg Boss house itself had every gaudy nautical object regurgitated into it.

I genuinely think the producers of the show keep a separate 'Nashe ka budget' for Salman Khan because he was clearly intoxicated filming the episode.

Oh, and a factory of sequined zaris threw up on him.

They had 4 'Bigg Boss experts' including Shilpa Shinde (winner season 11) and Manveer Gurjar (winner season 10) test every contestant and give them advice on how to survive in the house.

The producers decided to switch things up this season, where along with the "celebrities", they invited 'vichitra jodis' on to the show. All jodis will be treated as ONE contestant; they'll be given tasks together and eliminated together.

A singer called Deepak Thakur and his "fan" Urvashi Rana entered the house as a jodi after he sang on stage, while someone from the Bigg Band (yes, it's a live band for some reason) beatboxed, and Salman stood there bored out of his mind.

Hey, remember watching cricket with your family growing up? You admired their sportsmanship and talent, holding cricketers in high regard. Well.

SREESANTH IS ON THE GODDAMN SHOW! That bowler who used to wear that weird choker. Also, his entry was a dance number where he flexed uncomfortably to a song from Baahubali.

Also, and brace yourself, Dipika Kakar aka Simar from Sasural Simar Ka is a contestant this season. Let the memes begin.

So are Karanvir Bohra, Neha Pendse, Anup Jalota and Srishty Rode. They're the celebrities who entered the house as 'singles' to face off against the jodis. Nope, I didn't know who they were either.

During the banter between the 'experts', Salman and the new contestants, there was a canon for some reason that blew black smoke on the face of the person who failed their so called 'test'.

I don't know why.

This is Indian TV so the humour is obviously terrible and incredibly sexist. But I wanted to give credit where it's due. So every article I will crown a 'Sexist moment of the week', just to see how bad it REALLY gets.

And oh ho ho, it delivered and how. Kya alag level ka sexism!

Salman invited Shilpa Shinde to the stage as 'someone who has made more than 10,000 rotis at home' to teach Sreesanth how to make a round roti on stage.

This was Day 1, and I'm all buckled in. Stay tuned for more.