I Was Convinced I Was Quitting Films: Amala Paul

Amala Paul, who will be seen as a forensic surgeon in her upcoming production Cadaver, has been active in the film industry since she made her acting debut as a 19-year-old in Lal Jose's Neelathamara. In this conversation, the actress opens up her mindset during Covid.

"In 2020 or the beginning of 2021, I was convinced that I was quitting films. I was saying no to a lot of films. And then there was this pressure at home. Everybody was concerned about what was happening. And then I told them, 'I don't know what's happening, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I see a possibility of me quitting films.' I could see that because that's the state of mind I was in. I was tired, burnt out, and exhausted, having been working from such a young age," she says.

The period also put her on a path of self-realization. "I was not happy with the person I became or was becoming. I was not attracting the right situations or the right people. And I had to put a full stop and do something about it," Amala recalls. This was when she took a break from films. "I took a conscious break and I gave myself the complete freedom to just be, just fail – even if you are going to fail in the process, let it be,or even if you are going to be heartbroken, let it be. I decided to embrace this phase. There were days where I would just cry and let myself cry," she adds. 

It was also during 2020 that she lost her father. "I understood that I had to heal, I really needed to heal from a lot of things. So I was just focusing on that." But whatever energy she had, she channelised it into making Cadaver. "I had to of course think about Cadaver and work on it because it's my money and it's my project. First of all, I didn't have enough energy at that point of time but whatever energy I had, I was channeling into Cadaver," she signs off. 

Cadaver will be available for streaming on Disney +Hotstar from August 12.